Difference between men and women…
Women all over the world have this preconceived notion that we men do not have feelings. Obviously, this isn’t true, not even remotely and everyone knows that to be true. In fact, that isn’t even the problem, women believe that we men should feel and share our feelings and emotions the way they do because they like it when their man’s more in tune with his feelings and he shares it with them and that gentlemen, is the problem.
It’s no secret that we men have a much harder time processing emotions or feelings when compared to our opposite sex. We men are taught from an early age that we need to be strong, confident, stoic, we aren’t supposed to cry, we are expected to ‘man up’ and bravely face our fears. As such, we tend to think that these are what makes us men, and it’s true to quite some degree because these attributes are what separates ‘us’ from women, and more importantly, these are what shapes us as men. We are more likely to face our problems head-on without thinking ahead and most may say that we are at a fault, but I consider this a good thing because it keeps us at the moment.
Should we do this? (Reason)
So, we men are emotionally unavailable, it’s who we are. But, is this the right way to handle our ‘issues’? While I may think otherwise, but I have to say this, because the answer is ‘no’.
Let me give you an example. What happens when a gallon of water is poured into a container that only has a capacity of half a gallon? The excess water spills out. This is the same principle to how our mind functions. If you keep suppressing your emotions all the time, then one day it’s more likely to explode, needless to say, suppressing these emotions have a lot of side-effects.
First of all, let me explain to you what suppressing emotions can do to your body. Suppressing emotions for a long time can cause stress. And stress gives way to tension which heaves a heavy blow to your nervous system; this triggers your neurotransmitters to go into a ‘panic mode’. Stress in small amounts is good, it will help you motivate yourself, adapt and react to your problems to the best of your abilities. But excessive stress is harmful to your body and it also increases the risk of strokes, heart attacks, ulcers, and mental illnesses such as depression. Atop all this, stress plays a major factor in weight gain.
Secondly suppressing your emotions can lead to various mental illnesses. Your brain is arguably the most important organ in your body. It controls everything in the body from your feelings to your thoughts which in turn gives you the ability to use your hands, legs, feet, eyes, etc. Therefore, suppressing emotions denies the brain the freedom to work properly and efficiently. Naturally, it ends up becoming less effectual and unable to see reality for what it is because a false sense of realism has been created by the continuous restraining of feelings. As a result, severe depression, anxiety and substance or alcohol dependence can be developed.
In short, suppressing emotions is unhealthy and damaging to both our body and mind.
Scientifically, it has been proven that we men naturally yet predominantly use the left side of our brain, which is where reasoning lies, whereas women tend to use the right side of their brain, which is more attributed to emotions than logic. This is what gives women the greater ability to comprehend people and express their emotions more efficiently than us.
For example, women usually go through a noisy and loud emotional state over a bad breakup or when facing problems in a relationship. This is what allows them to deal with the problem at hand and move on quickly enough; they embrace their emotions and they feel every little thing more acutely than us. This is healthy because it helps them to acknowledge their problem and consider every feeling they naturally feel, so they can easily move on with their lives.
While we too are emotional, we express it in a much different way. We are more likely to grow angry about a relationship that went wrong, and we are more likely to do crazy albeit desperate things to keep a relationship exactly how we may want it to be. We hang on to something and we stay stagnant while women manage to move on.
Societal expectations have taught us, men, not to display soft emotions; it would make us seem feminine especially in the presence of other men. This becomes a huge problem in relationships because we suppress our feelings by saying ‘I’m fine’ to anyone who might inquire us about the problems that we may actually be facing. I myself did this same thing until very recently, I did it because it made me feel safe like I still had power in my hands because the moment I divulged my problems out loud, in my eyes, it made me feel weak.
Why we do this? (Clarity)
So, the obvious question is, how do we change this…?
We can’t just change ourselves and become more emotionally open all of a sudden because that will feel unnatural to us, and atop that, we all want others to see us for whom we are, and not for whom we can be. However, there are things that we can do to improve ourselves and this is an alternative that’s worked well for me.
The first thing that we should do is to believe that today we can be better than who we were yesterday. That is the first step that you can take towards progress. Think of this as self-improvement and an increase in your overall potential.
The concept that our mind and the emotions within us play an important role in our physical health is the fundamental premise in modern integrative medicine. Many ancient healing systems emphasize the interconnection between mind and body in healing, including Hippocrates, the father of Western medicine, who taught that good health depends on a balance of mind, body, and environment.
In other words, if our emotional state influences our physical health, then the other way around is also equally possible. The bridge between mind and body is a two-way street, which means if you improve your physique then subsequently, your mind will have the same elevated effect as your now-improved physique. This is by far the best way to reduce stress and get in prime shape in a single stretch and this is how my path to physical and mental fitness began for me.
Physical fitness will make you feel good about yourself. We men unconsciously associate the concept of dieting, exercising, or simply looking better, or losing weight for mainly to pick up women, especially young adults who are just entering the route to emotional maturity.
According to me, this is a wrong belief, there is no need for us to have to physically exert ourselves to the brink of our limits and get in shape just to attract women. We have to do it for the sake of our health, for our goals, our career, for us. It’s true that women expect us to have a rugged physique just as we expect slimness from them. But that shouldn’t be why we do things. Remember, if a woman can’t appreciate you for who you are then it’s her bad luck, not yours.
How to do this…? (Method)
This is the first step. We’ll do this one step at a time. If you’re here reading this, it means you want to improve your lifestyle and find success, that is the endpoint.
Remember, even with the best of intentions, the efforts of a weak man without ability is pointless. Our goal is to make ourselves capable and financially strong, and then you can help as many as possible.
I usually suggest the first step for men being self-elevation. And then weight loss and subsequent fitness via ‘testosterone balance’ and strength training. Testosterone is the primary sex hormones in males. This important hormone is what keeps us at optimal health. It helps with our bone density, positive mood, sex drive, muscle mass and strength. It also makes us look younger, helps with disease and cancer prevention for ‘both’ the sexes. I’ll gladly recommend this to all men, no matter the age or circumstance, and it’s cost-effective. I’ll explain these in detail in the future posts.
I’ll cover a few important things right off the bat here, but I won’t go into detail with this now.
- Work on reducing Stress.
- Exercise (Follow weight training schedule, keep it under an hour, but avoid extensive Cardio).
- Avoid Sugar. If you can’t, then reduce Sugar intake and avoid packaged foods with soy, low fat and low carbohydrate diets.
- Reduce Alcohol consumption (Especially Beer).
- Regulate Caffeine intake (100mg a day is enough but don’t drink after six o’clock in the evening).
- Long restful sleep is absolutely necessary.
- Drink a lot of water (It will flush out the toxin build-up in your body).
Develop a positive attitude to face life, and this is the first step towards success. Remember, this is just the first step to progress.
To Move Forward-
Women always talk about female empowerment. Male empowerment, I’ve always wondered why that isn’t a practice. Gender equality is what women are looking for, and equality means that both the genders must be treated equally. We pretty much go through the same problems as everyone else on the planet.
I’ve come to realise that my previous thought process is a dangerously arrogant way of thinking. For a long time, I thought empowerment is for people who are weak and vulnerable. Now I know that it’s wrong, because we are just as human as the others out there. It’s our duty to show them what we are capable off. We do it, and we show them how it’s done, we don’t talk about empowerment. That’s the way of a man.
Goals are never a destination, it’s merely a route. Our job is to keep chasing till we can’t chase anymore. Our potential to be better is limitless. We should aspire to be better than who we were yesterday. Our potential to be better should only end the day we die. So, get up, educate yourself, improve, learn from your mistakes, drive yourself to the top and success will come chasing after you.